Children’s Jokes

Children’s Joke 101

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased.

He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words “Queen Size”.

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, “Look Grandma, you wear the same size as our bed!

Children’s Joke 102

Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated.

Children’s Joke 103

Pupil: Did you know that the most intelligent person is going deaf?
Teacher: Really. Who is it?
Pupil: Pardon.

Children’s Joke 104

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Children’s Joke 105

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black.
Customer: What other colours do you have?

Children’s Joke 106

For a test of his own fortitude the magician brought the biggest, strongest-looking man up on stage to assist him. He handed the man a rubber mallet and told him, “When I put my head down on this block, hit me as hard as you can. Don’t worry, it won’t effect me at all.” The man says, “Okay.”

The magician put his head down and said, “Go ahead.”

Ten years later, the magician woke up in a hospital from a coma and yelled, “Ta-Da!”

Children’s Joke 107

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is 80,000 and so there’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Johnny told him, “I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no means of transportation.

Children’s Joke 108

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room.

He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”.

Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

Children’s Joke 109

A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled. It really works!

Children’s Joke 110

A worried passenger – “Do the ship of this size sink often.”
Captain of the ship – “No madam, not more than once”