Children’s Jokes

Children’s Joke 81

Son: Come on, Dad. Buy a new car.
Dad: Wait until I’ve had a ride in the old one first, will you?

Children’s Joke 82

Customer: What makes the car jerk so when I first put it into gear?
Used-car Salesman: Eagerness to get away, sir – nothing more.

Children’s Joke 83

How do they estimate the population of a Swiss village?

They count the echoes and divide them by the numbers of mountains.

Children’s Joke 84

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands.

The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn’t stop crying.

Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby’s ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.

When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.”Here’s the problem”, the Dr. said, “He needs to be changed!”The father was very perplexed, “But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!”

Children’s Joke 85

Tourist: I’ve come here for winters.

Californian: Well, you’ve come to the wrong place. There’s no winter here.

Children’s Joke 86

It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise.
He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.
“Now,” he said, “are there any questions?”
One girl stood up timidly. “Please sir,” she asked, “May we have our teacher back?

Children’s Joke 87

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?” So to the back fence they all went.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, “$2,700.”

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” he said. “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas.”

Children’s Joke 88

Once there was an madman who was committed to an asylum.
The asylum had a rule that if any ‘resident’ could pass a special 5-question test, he could go free. No resident had passed in the 20-year history of the asylum.
It was the madman’s turn to take the test.
After a grueling 4 hours of testing, the examining officer said, “Well, you’ve passed four of the five tests. I’m very impressed. However, the last test is the hardest of all.”
The examiner lead the man to a dark room, switched on a flashlight, and pointed it at a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. “For your fifth test, you must walk on the beam of light and change the bulb.”
The man looked at him with an outraged expression and exclaimed, Are you NUTS?!?”
He continued, “Yeah right, when I reach half-way you’ll turn it off and let me fall!”

Children’s Joke 89

One time I farted so bad that I had to spend ten years in jail for air pollution.

Children’s Joke 90

Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: The moon.
Teacher: Why?
Pupil: The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it.