Teenage Jokes

Teenage Joke 151

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord grant me one wish.”

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish”.

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Teenage Joke 152

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”

Bill says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it”.

2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.

Charlie says, “Where did you get that, Bill?”

“Steve’s wife gave it to me.”

“That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?”

Bill says, “Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow.'”

She said, “‘No, I’m not a widow.”

And I said, “Wanna bet me a six-pack?

Teenage Joke 153

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. “Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover.””Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.

Teenage Joke 154

A Husband’s Viewpoint
1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (A life sentence!)
2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.
3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
5. Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of “RINGS”:
a) The Engagement Ring
b) The Wedding Ring
c) The SuffeRing
d) The EnduRing
e) The TortuRing

Teenage Joke 155

Milton came into his wife’s room one day. “If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me,” he asked her.
“Darling, I’ll always love you,” she said calmly, filing her nails.
“How about if I became impotent, couldn’t make love to you any more?” he asked anxiously.
“Don’t worry, darling, I’ll always love you,” she told him, buffing her nails.
“Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?” Milton went on, if I weren’t pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?”
The woman looked over at her husband’s worried face. “Milton, I’ll always love you,” she reassured him, “but most of all, I’ll really miss you.

Teenage Joke 156

Does your wife know how to park a car?

Well, she doesn’t exactly park a car she abandons it.

Teenage Joke 157

A woman – complaining to her neighbour that her husband always came late from office, no matter how she tried to stop him.
Neighbour – “Take my advice,” do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o’ clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: “Is that you Ram?” and that cured him.
A woman – “cured him! But how?”
Neighbour – “you see, his name is Sham.

Teenage Joke 158

We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

Teenage Joke 159

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.

Teenage Joke 160

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when she noticed that there were thousands of clocks on the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day. When she asked St. Peter about the clocks, he replied, “We have a clock for each person on earth and every time they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks off one-second each time a lie is told.”

Special attention was given to two clocks. The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life.

Hillary asked, “Where is Bills’ clock?”

St.Peter replied, “Jesus has it in His office… He’s using it as a ceiling fan.